Statute of Limitations for Motherhood

Even though Sigmund Freud was an Austrian, Germans take his teachings very much to heart. Dear Mothers, consciously or subconsciously, or maybe that’s unconsciously, we are to blame for all our young children’s unmannerly behaviour and unhappiness. And, least we think we eventually will be exonerated from our sins, we are also responsible for all matter of deviant behaviour and neurotic leanings in our adult children. There doesn’t appear to be any statute of limitations for motherhood.

Once I understood this principle, I decided to enjoy the ride and start saving for couch-time for my two children. Yes, they do appear to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted young people, but bam, who knows what’s going to happen further down the line? I figure if I’m going to bear the brunt of blame later, I might as well act on good intentions and good will now, the devil may come.

For instance, I have seen this very injustice happen with various older women friends. Women who didn’t marry the wrong men, rather they were wronged by men. In most cases it was the one scenario: contract made before the eyes of God, promises soon forgotten, lies told, conflicts avoided, adultery wilfully pursued, allegations denied, trust destroyed… a marriage wrecked.

The children stumble through the horrors of divorce, and, years later, despite numerous therapists and therapies, they still blame their mothers for their unhappiness. Which, in all honesty, I don’t quite get.

My father used to tell me “You have to give 100% of your effort to do 50% of your share”, and so I can’t figure how giving 100% of your effort to make a marriage work, and it stills fails, means you get 100% of the blame. Yet, this is exactly what happened in the cases of the adult children of my close friends. Doesn’t that give you pause to think?