I am... an avid reader (2/3)

Pat had a gift of knowing which book or author matched the stirrings of a person's heart and brain. She read a book a day, many of which she gifted forward. 

The books on my living room bookshelves are a testament to her influence. Those books have stood the test of time. I have read most of them numerous times, some countless times. They are my constant companions, each forming my imagination into what it is today.

There are those who console, excite, or even hammer upon what I believe to be true. Once exposed to their teaching, I can only be changed. These books are not just stories; instead, they act as alchemy, transforming my dulled and mundane thoughts into ones of wonder. 

For this, I am forever grateful to Pat.

I am (still) a... businesswoman

One of the most delightful parts of my job is travelling and working with colleagues all over the world. Today, for example, I had to choose between going to Mallorca to participate in a three-day global event or to Copenhagen for ten days to do a proper handover with Anna. Even though it should not have been much of a choice weather-wise, I decided on Copenhagen for the people and the pleasures of enjoying this fabulous city one last time as a businesswoman and not a tourist.

(Note: the hotel I am staying at is on the harbourfront. What a luxury.)

Photo by Rolands Varsbergs on Unsplash

Neighbourly civility

Early morning walk

Village elders walking dogs 

Everyone nods once.

Time away

It's cold outside, but I leave the door open to let in birdsong and sun rays, so they may keep me company. I'm staying on a houseboat only ten kilometres away from home. It could easily be a thousand for only water, sky, and woodlands surround the boat.

The storm winds of yesterday have calmed. Small waves slap joyfully on the sides; occasionally, they make a gulping sound as if coming up for breath. The sun creates a bright surface of silver pennies. Or, at least I think they are called such. In any case, it is hard to keep my eyes from wandering over in their direction, even though their brightness glares.

Across the bay, a buoy stands straight as a soldier, silent to any whining wind. Finally, a canvas of clouds rolls overhead. Bringing so much drama in greys to my loneliness.

I am... an avid reader (1/3)

Books. Books. Books. My best friends.

 
Reading was a way to escape during my childhood. I'd spend hours in my room, letting my imagination explore other worlds. The best part was finding friends in faraway places who lived lives of such adventure that it made my heart beat quickly. This was where I wanted to be. These places were where I felt most at home.

Every week, we would go to three libraries and take out the maximum number of books. It was a thrill to bring back new books and put them in a pile next to my bed. Anticipation (Vorfreude) distracted me to an extreme; I yearned to start right away. The stories were all waiting for me to open the covers of the books and let them come into existence. A thrill I experience to this day.

I am... nearly retired

Another month of working and being retired at the same time. Last August I officially retired, but unofficially, I continued to work. 

The only real perk of this was having two incomes. Yet, once I go to the tax advisor, I will undoubtedly see how much I have to pay in back taxes, and this will make me wonder whether the stress of the last year has been worth it. Even though I love my job, even though I love my team, I have had to work more than I wished to and under unfavourable circumstances. I am kaputt.

What I am questioning now is to what extent my strategy for retiring was just plain wrong. Since I did not want to turn the switch from "working" to "retired", I started various other activities on the side. These activities and projects have brought much joy and a sense of purpose, but they also need much attention.

I am experimenting a bit with the Boca project to see if I can be involved in projects without having to be the motor pushing everything through. There is a good group of people working on the project. It will remain to be seen, how much work they can do on their own and how much will come back to me.

Now I can finally focus on the Talkshow Rivals project, which I have worked on in spurts. There is also the project with Nicola, creating e-learning content that is also promising. And then there are those I am coaching. 

At this point in time, it is a question of what "nearly retired" could mean. Is this going to be a steady state, or will I step completely aside?

Happiness bubbling up from inside

It is warm enough
To find a quiet corner
With the sun, my friend.

Early morning insipidity

I am loss for words
Wanting to write today's poem
My mind is empty.

What art can be

 

The story is sublime. The characters/persons are both raw and refined. The mystery is how such a film could be made.

Broken feedback loop

Deep down exhaustion
Six months of non-stop pressure
Too old for this shit.

A surprise while doing my early morning walk

Swans building their nest
A mesh of leaves and branches
Their hidden secret.  

Farewell to the company

Yesterday was the last of the workshops I facilitated for the company I worked for for the last six years. Over the last 40 years or so, I have had the joy of facilitating learning and development at numerous companies, training (I guess) thousands of participants on a veryvery wide range of topics. Now, I am going into retirement. Halleluja!

Many of the participants from this last workshop came over to say a special thank you. Some I have worked with closely over the last six years. For others, it was their first time doing leadership training with me, and yet they were delighted and grateful for my facilitation. I tried very hard to "stay in the moment" and to accept their compliments and hugs (so many hugs) with grace. 

(Letting in praise and opening my heart to others has been a long inner journey. It took me over 60 years to believe in and value praise. So, for all of you reading this, learn to do this. It is invaluable to making connections with those around you.) 

I will still work as a coach, facilitator and consultant, but I will be able to choose my contracts. Fortunately, I already have two or three contracts on the list, not enough to be alarming, but certainly those I am very much looking forward to doing. This is a soft entry into retirement. 

Farewell to winter

Buds, beautiful buds
Outside my window, they're born
My heart is aglow. 

Photo by Theo Onic on Unsplash

The day after the ballet

Cold winter morning

Misty drops slide down windows

Friends come for breakfast.

Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

Birthday gift

 

Beyond excited
Breathless movement in music
Ballet night tonight.

Dogs and Italians not allowed

Sometimes, the beauty of art mingles between innocent joy and deep sadness. We watched this movie this week. It still rests heavily on my spirit. The fact that Giui and his family share many experiences in this film makes it all the more heart-rendering.

Not looking where I am going

Fog on steeple
Hides copper, mortar, and brick
I slip on wet leaf.

I am... an editor

This is rather strange, but I love editing other people's works. I am something between a development editor and a line editor. It is not a skill I have learnt formally. My editing skills have been honed through years of reading, writing, and, most importantly, being given the privilege to help colleagues, friends, and family polish their work.

Currently, I am editing a PhD titled, "The role of innovation for the implementation of the Circular Economy in the construction and manufacturing industries in Germany". I am around a third of the way through. This means that now it starts getting interesting. Thankfully, it is so well-written that I am under the illusion that I understand what is being said.

There is a feeling of joy to dive down deeply into a world I know next to nothing of and rise back to the surface with a new piece of treasure in my hands. 

I am... a mother

I am a mother 

Whose daughter is brave and strong 

Sometimes, but rarely, reproach 

Secretly slips out from behind her eyes. 

Who am I not to be judged? 

I am a mother 

Whose daughter is softness and steel 

She often speaks words so generous 

And kind, my heart stops beating 

How can she be this grand? 

I am a mother 

Whose daughter is quiet and scared 

Whispering in the dark night 

For me to comfort her ghosts. 

How can I fail to answer? 

I am a mother 

Whose daughter sees me growing old 

And yearns so desperately to stop 

The inevitable ticking of time. 

How can her wish not be mine?

Leaves in a mist

 

Dreams of a jungle

Wandering through the moist air

Bliss, deep breaths in... out.

Looking up at the night sky

Suddenly full moon
Collecting the laundry
Here you are old friend. 

Stuck in a job while everyone else has moved on

 She rises each morning with a sigh. Her face, without its makeup, shows the cracks of despondency she so wishes to hide. From herself. Who cares about the others? As an old person who exercises the chinks in their joints before leaving the comfort of their bed, she seeks small mercies to start the day. There's Miff, her cat, needing food and a pat. 

She has the luxury of those houses before her late shift. Time to do much or nothing at all. Part of her wants to kick off as many items from her to-do list as possible. They have been hanging their accusingly for weeks now. She senses how futile it is to remove any of the items since the moment they disappear, others instantly replace them. This thought adds to her lethargy. 

She sighs again and turns over in bed, escaping back into sleep. Hours later, Miff is desperate to drag her back to her world and the need for her to move.

So, she reluctantly rolls out of bed, most of the day having played away. She swoops Miff in her arms and buries her face into her neck, whispering a profound apology. The cat jumps out of her arms. Directing her towards the kitchen. Guiltily, she spoons out an extra large portion. 

She crouches beside Miff as she eats. Arms hugging her knees, head resting on her right shoulder, she daydreams.

Before the crowds descend

The breakfast buffet
Welcomingly waits for the guests
I sit alone here.

(Business trip to Copenhagen.)

I am... not an old hippie

Many people think

Baby boomer means hippie

I wish it were so.

As someone who spent all my teenage years in a ballet studio during the day and many evenings and was in love with classical music, jazz, and Gregorian chant, I find it puzzling how many people assume I am an old hippie. I was 12 years old when Woodstock happened. 

And yes, my two sisters were more in love with the whole psychedelic vibes of that time, but they did this covertly and never let on to their far too-uncool younger sister.

Hope eternal

 

Snowy icy days
Yet, in my dreams spring bursts forth
I keep my eyes closed.

I am... a Kindle reader

Photo by Asal Lotfi on Unsplash

Much to the disgust of many of my friends, I have been a Kindle reader since it came out over 15 years ago. The three arguments that have kept me so are:

• A lot of what I read is not worth sawing down Canadian forests for

• I love to read numerous books at once, depending on where I am and what my mood is

• It is so much easier to read in bed than a book

Nevertheless, a friend of mine, Charlotte, recently published the findings of a study that stated readers of IRL books remember more than when they read e-books. That made sense because I remember handwritten notes much better than typed notes. So, maybe the tactility of books helps the brain to remember more. 

Then there is the fact that our dear daughter spent a laborious two days doing magic on our bookshelves in the living room. I rediscovered a slew of books to read again. And finally, since we have been with Amazon since it was only a bookstore, we have shamefully bought hundreds of books, so we can either reread some of them or order books at our local store.

Now, the punchline to this post...

I was rereading a favourite book of mine and was so enthralled with the story that I caught myself tapping the side of the page instead of turning it.

I am... a fan of K-dramas

 

diary entry

It is a point of disbelief.

Sometimes, endearment,

But only a few truly understand

Why I love watching 

Korean dramas as much as I do. 

In the dark of the morning

Taking down the tree
Sniffles and coughs and winter blues
Permeate my thoughts. 

This year's theme: Who am I?

 

This year's theme will be "Who am I?". Stay tuned for more...

Daring darling Dylan

 

Our daughter is about to start a job at the German Space Agency. Yup, you got it; she's found a unicorn job in her field of space security. Feeling so chuffed about this.

Tripped across this photo of her making her first attempt as a rocket pilot. Following valiantly beside her is her cousin Dylan. You cannot see it in the photo, but there is a long decline and she's picking up speed. 

Learning again

It has been years now since I used Photoshop and made collages, let alone used Illustrator to make vector graphics and layouts of documents. I feel this inclining to go back and learn again how to use these programs. It will be an upward slog, no doubt. 

So, I bought Affinity, which appears to be much the same and oh so much more affordable. 

It has taken me days to create the above on Affinity Photo. I drew the main parts as a cut-out and then sketched in the textures and patterns. I am going to make a paper-cut-out version of this for my visual diary.

In the 1990s, I had the idea of learning how to use Photoshop. At that time, there was no easy way to learn except to take very expensive courses at some institute, which was too much for my bank account, considering the price of Photoshop. 

So, I made a deal with the owner of a local graphic studio for whom I did some translating. We bartered my translating fees for one-on-one lessons with the owner. Now, all I have to do is go and watch tutorials on Skillshare.