Greasy Double Whammy

There is a German expression "ins Fettnaeppchen treten", whose literal translation is to step in a bowl of grease. It means "to put your foot in your mouth". I prefer the German expression because not many people know what it feels like to actually put their foot in their mouth, whereas we’ve all tripped or slipped on something.

Strangely, one of the quirky side-effects of having been a ballet dancer aeons ago, is I can still put my foot in my mouth, as well as behind my head. These are not party tricks I do any more, but let me assure you that "putting your foot in your mouth" does not, in real life, feel as humiliating and painful as the expression is supposed to convey. That is why the German expression, "ins Fettnaeppchen treten", with its implication of slipping in the grease and then landing painfully on your butt, is better.

Last week I did a double whammy with the grease pot. It was during a dinner with my brother-in-law, his wife, and his mother-in-law in Freising, southern Germany. My brother-in-law was describing the father of a friend of his, whose experiencing rapid mental deterioration due to Alzheimer. This man doesn’t remember how to dress properly any more, so he puts on three shirts and two pairs of trousers, he hides other people’s shoes, doesn’t remember the day of the week or even the hour of the day, he doesn’t know if he is going downstairs for breakfast or dinner. After going on for quite a while about this unfortunate fellow’s disorientation, he says, "Things might get so bad, he will have to stop driving".

I was completely incensed that his family and friends were still letting the man drive.

Apparently, the last time he drove to the corner store, he ended up a hundred kilometres away, and someone had to come and pick him up. My blood started to boil. My indignation peaked, and when I stated that I felt how this man’s family were all being highly irresponsible, I looked over at their blank, uncomprehending expressions and realised I had just slipped in a bowl of grease.
In Germany, you get your driver’s licence for life. You never have to renew it; once issued it is a permanent document. Whether it is reasonable to let people drive until they voluntarily decide not to, is one of those taboo topics, like the dangers of driving on highways (Autobahns) without speed limits. No one wants anyone interfering with their freedom/right to drive as fast or for as long as they want.

The next day, I went to visit a friend of mine in Munich. I told her about the incident with the man with Alzheimer still driving and she countered with a story of her aunt in Tuebingen. Her eighty-eight year old aunt takes her eighty-eight year old Mercedes for a drive twice a week, auspiciously to pick up some groceries, but actually, it is just a ritual, like many rituals her aunt has. Sundays she goes to church. Mondays she meets with the bridge group. Tuesdays she cleans her apartment. Wednesdays she drives to the shopping mall. Thursdays she bowls. Fridays she does her laundry. Saturdays drives out to an outlying bio farm to pick up fresh produce.

When I ask her whether she thinks her aunt is fit enough to drive, my friend responds by saying, "Other than the fact she tends to see double, she is quite fine". Then she puzzles over this phenomenon, "When my aunt sees four ears on someone’s head, she obviously knows there are only two, but I haven’t figured out she does when she sees two cars driving towards her?"

Is it only me, or does anyone else think there is something wrong with an elderly man with Alzheimer and a 88 year old woman who sees double out in their cars driving on our roads?