My family is not much of a marrying family. Four siblings. Only my brother and sister-in-law married with a traditional wedding; expressing their love and making a promise of commitment before family and friends. My oldest sister married (eloped) in a garden ceremony in Stanley Park in Vancouver with two friends as witnesses.
I never wanted to marry. Never wanted a wedding. This was something I knew at an early age. And, because I knew this at an early age, I don’t remember the reasons I felt this way. I just plan didn’t want to marry.
The only reason my husband and I did marry was because a dear friend of mine, Tine, told us to. You see, Tine is a lawyer and was, for a time, a judge. She told me that in the eyes of the German government, my partner and two children were not a family. I am not a German citizen and my children, born out of wedlock, were considered illegitimate and under the guardianship of the State. If anything happened to me (prolonged illness, or death), the care of the children would not necessarily be bestowed upon my partner (now-husband).
To make a long story short, we did marry, and we had a nice ceremony in my sister’s living room in Montreal, which we celebrated with champagne and music and dance. There was no fuss and nothing particularly different about the celebration other than the short civil ceremony and the champagne afterwards.
Even though I never wanted to marry, I do believe in marriage. I feel that my husband and I have lived a marriage right from the beginning, by nurturing our relationship and by being committed to our family in the fullness of our hearts and in the privacy of our home. The fact we eventually formally married and thus had the approval of the government, seems secondary. I reconsidered this fact while watching the various videos on the website “13 love stories”. In particular, this video of a couple, one a non-US citizen, really cut home for me:
It made me wonder how easy it is for some (my husband and I) to form a family in the eyes of the State, and how difficult it is for others. It also made me wonder how a, supposedly, progressive society like the US, could be so fundamentally backward in their ethical practices.
The attitude and influence of the religious right go back to the Puritans when anything that was fun was a sin. I call them the American Taliban.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the U. S. is backward in the prevailing attitudes, but we are changing. Not all of us are Neanderthals and the more we speak up the quicker change will come.