Big Wart Diplomacy

When Germans wish to point out how well their daughter/son-in-law/colleague/neighbour speaks a foreign language, they inevitably mention that that person speaks English/French/Hindi/Persian “fluently and accent-free”. As if speaking a foreign language accent-free is the highest measure you can strive for.

In their books, it just is not enough to speak a foreign language fluently. Some, I believe, would say it’s futile to speak a foreign language, even if you do so fluently, if you have a strong accent and speak it grammatically incorrect: as is the case with my German. The fact that I work, live, love, give birth, form lifelong friendships, explain complex technical processes, and pay my taxes in German doesn’t seem to matter to some people. The fact that German is a terribly difficult language to learn is not considered. The fact that it is, on a contemporary global scale, a rather insignificant language (i.e., in comparison to Hindi, Mandarin or Spanish) is never mentioned. So, after twenty-odd years, I still walk around with this big wart of an accent, which everyone notices and comments on.

I just have to open up my mouth and say a few words and the person I am talking to will ask, “Where do you come from?” And I mean in every situation: sitting petrified in the dental hygienist’s chair, ordering a croissant at the local bakery, exchanging defective ware in a department store. I don’t think I can count the number of times over the last twenty-odd years total strangers have asked me this question. It still takes me aback. The first thing I think is, “Why do they want to know?” The second thought, “What should I answer?”

For those of you who know me, the answer is not self-apparent: place of birth (Venezuela), citizenship (Canada), home of my heart (Grenada), place I’ve lived the longest (Germany)… yes, a complicated answer.

Our friend, Hammed, who was born in Iran, raised in Germany and possesses German citizenship, also gets asked this question a lot. Not because he speaks German with an accent, he’s one of those perfect fellows who speaks fluently and accent-free, but because of his skin colour. He told me once that he occasionally answers, “None of your business” or “None of your f**king business”. And though, part of me is shocked and part of me admires this attitude, I could neverever say something like this.

Instead, I approach the situation as a citizen diplomat; believing it important to answer the question as if this person is the first whoever asked me the question. I have gotten into the habit of answering, “Canada (the easiest answer). Where do you come from?” Maybe if I answer politely and patiently, they might move a micrometer more in the direction of accepting the fact that there is enough space for all of us (foreigners) to live on their planet.