Off to sit on a cushion

I'm off  in a few days time to sit on a cushion away from the day-to-day distractions and all online contact. Sometime people ask why anyone would do such a thing. Louis C.K's story of sitting in his car at the side of the road and allowing himself to experience sadness and happiness, is as good an explanation as possible.

By the way, his explanation about smartphone use and children, is also quite brilliant.

You are what you eat, but you can be what you wear

I've been following David McRaney's blog, You're Not SoSmart, for a few years now. Any blog with the byline “a celebration of self-delusion” is a good blog to read. Secondly, I really like his interest in exploring and demythisizing common beliefs.

Even it he sets out to cure us of our false beliefs, he does not appear to be doing it out of a wish to rub our noses in our ignorance.

“I, David McRaney, am not a psychologist or an economist. I am a journalist and fan writing about what those super-smart and hard-working people are discovering on these topics. Sometimes, I get it wrong. I’m doing my best to translate it all and make it fun, but If I’m wrong and you know it, please let me know. These things can be edited and corrected. I welcome assistance in clarifying the concepts.”

In this world where everyone seems to consider themselves infallible experts, you got to like someone who is willing to be corrected.

The Innovation of Loneliness

Shimi Cohen wrote the script and created the design and animation of the video above. He based this piece on Sherry Turkle’s book, Alone Together. It poses the question, “What is the connection between Social Networks and Being Lonely?”

It is one of those visualisations that challenges the brain. Very quick successions of input, some subtle and others confusing; needing thought as the verbal message keeps roaring down the tracks.

I was having some difficulty following the script, so I clicked on the automatic annotations. Boy, was that ever amusing. It made little or no sense at all. Admittedly, Mr. Cohen does talk very quickly, but seriously:

“invention of language in gossip as hell sleep larger and more group just a logical research indicates that the maximum naturals I think group humans is roughly 150 members”  

Instead of,

“The invention of language and gossip has helped to shape larger and more stable groups. Sociological research indicates that the maximum natural size of groups for humans is roughly 150 members.”

The obvious discrepancies drove me to sit down this morning and write out the script as it is spoken (see below). Reading the text slowly, allowed me needed time to slowly ponder the ideas presented.

Generally, I find them interesting. Yet, I think they only apply when you restrict Social Networks to just a few, though admittedly powerful, platforms like FB and Twitter. There are many social media platforms, Wikipedia being the most notable, where Mr. Cohen’s and Ms. Turkle’s hypothesis probably wouldn’t hold.

Here’s the script. Not without errors, but at least a more approximate facsimile.

A simple fact, monkeys that a known to have a developed social life, organize in small groups with several dozen members. The size of each of these groups is limited. In order for them to function, all members of the group need to know each other well. The average size of the group changes from 20 to 50 members. When the number of monkeys in a group passes a certain threshold, the social order crumbles and the group tends to split into two separate groups. A similar situation can be found amongst humans as well.

The invention of language and gossip has helped to shape larger and more stable groups. Sociological research indicates that the maximum natural size of groups for humans is roughly 150 members. Most humans are just incapable of intimately knowing more than 150 people. So even today the threshold of human organizations around the number of 150 members.

Man is a social creature and the feeling of loneliness can drive them mad. Yet, the western and modern world sanctions individuality. The individual is measured by personal achievements, such as having a career, wealth, a self-image, and consumerism. In this course of action, many people lose their social and familial connections, in favor of a self-actualization ideal. As a social fabric in the western world weakens, it is not surprising that more and more people define themselves as lonely. And thus, loneliness has become the most common aliment of the modern world.

One of the possible reasons for the aliment is the online social network. In a world where time is money, in which our surroundings heavily pressure us to achieve more and more, our social life becomes tainted and more demanding than ever before.

And then there's technology. Simpler. Hopeful. Optimistic. Ever young. We become addicted to virtual romance disguised by The Social Network, which supplies an impressive platform that allows us to manage our social life most effectively. However, our fantasies about substitutions are starting to take a toll. We’re collecting friends like stamps, no distinction of quantity versus quality, and converting the deep meaning of intimacy in a friendship with exchanging photos and chat conversations.

By doing so, we are sacrificing conversation for mere connection. And so a paradoxical situation is created, in which we claim to have many friends while actually being lonely.

So what is the problem with having a conversation? Well, it takes place in real time and you can’t control what you're going to say. And that is the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the Self as you want it to be. We get to edit and that means, we get to delete.

Instead of building true friendships, we’re obsessed with endless personal promotion. Investing hours on end building our profile, pursuing the optimal order of words in our next message, choosing the pictures in which we look our best. All of which is meant to serve as a desirable image of who we are. We are expecting more from technology and less from each other. The social networks aren't just changing what we're doing, but also who we are. And that's because technology appeals to us most where we are most vulnerable.

And we are vulnerable. We are lonely, but we’re afraid of intimacy. While the social networks offers us three gratifying fantasies. One that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be. Two that we will always be heard. And three that we will never have to be alone. And that third idea, that we will never have to be alone, is central to change in our psyches.

It's shaping a new way of being. The best way to describe it is, “I share therefore I am”.

We use technology to define ourselves by sharing our thoughts and feelings, even as we're having them. Furthermore we’re faking experiences so we have something to share. So we can feel alive. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we are at risk because the opposite is true. If we are not able to be alone, we are only going to know… how to be lonely.

Growing old in 5 minutes

This gorgeous video was made by Anthony Cerniello who writes at the You Tube page: ”I attempted to create a person in order to emulate the aging process. The idea was that something is happening but you can't see it but you can feel it, like aging itself.” You can read about how it was made at Huffington Post.

Bards of Old

Do you wonder whether if any of the bards of old came to us in the future, whether their musical instrument of choice would be the ukulele?

Theresa's Angel

Allegro

Not just the crystal timbre

Drawn out by the violin bow;

But, the tang of spring moss

On the Laurentian moor /

The cinnamon accent singing

In the bite of Sunday’s apple cake /

The galloping laughter ricocheting

Around during the car ride

Home from the airport /

The joyous crazy cacophony

Of young children’s voices

Bundling up before going

Out to play in the snow/

I am not the slow and stately

Adagio. Rather, I am the bright

Quick piercing bliss of Allegro.

That is me.

Dave's Angel

I want to leave behind the heavy body,

With its fallen-arched leather-soled feet,

The knees and elbows spotted with

Various growths of undiscernible nature.

The big belly, the Buddha belly,

Getting in the way, having to be

Maneuvered around whenever

Flight of motion is called for. And,

The sounds: the stomping, stumbling,

Groaning, moaning, sighing, slurping

Sounds. And that special tuneless,

Toneless whistling between half-closed lips.

Not that any of this really bothers me,

But, given the choice…

I choose to be a sea sprite.

A delicate, willowy, semi-transparent,

Possible to see out of the corner of

Your eyes, beautiful Ethereal Being.

Taking flight, oh so briefly, off the wisps

Of sea spray twirling on the tops of

Angry roaring waves. Then blissfully,

I plunge into the depths of tidal surges.

Down. Down. Soaring along the seamount

Of volcanic crust. Deep. Deep. Under

Kick’em Jenny, across the strait of water

Between Grenada and Carriacou;

Where the boats are now heading

Before the sun goes down, and the

Green Flash can blind them with its

Mystic wonder.

Instead, I’m free to fly above and below.

There is neither. There are both. Except now

When there is only the cold of a ship’s grave,

The heat of escaping lava, the exhilaration

Of dancing along the breath of this seemingly

Endless expanse of sea landscape.

Ahead a storm looms… I turn and rush back,

Head on, into the turbulence. The chaos.

It's mine. It's me. It's what I'm meant to be.

Edna's Angel

An antique doll with a porcelain face

In white wedding garb with plenty of lace.

So much adored and kindly kept

By generations of girls

Believing in princes and kisses in vain;

Till they learn that needed lesson

That Real and Realistic are not the same.

Peter's Angel

A warrior. You asked. This is what

I want to be. Especially, in this place

Where weapons of mass destruction,

Gang wars, vast armies, lethal intent,

And, most discouragingly,

Moral Justification, doesn’t exist, there

Is nothing I would like better than to be

A warrior. For the good… not of mankind,

But with kindness for man. The ones

Who navigate blindly, without a glimmer

Of understanding. Suffering the many…

The endless indignities. Having been born

(Not out of choice) – into a countries ripped

Apart by political strife – into communities

Starved of any opportunities for betterment –

With diseases beyond the control of medicine

Or God’s mercy. I will stand next to them

In their moments of need. Still their fears

And offer them comfort. In their loneliness

They will not be alone.

A gentle warrior. Yes indeed, that is what

I choose to be.

Angel Project

I believe in reincarnation and angels. Though when it comes to reincarnation, I don’t believe it is in our powers to know what lives we actually lived in the past. There just seems too many Cleopatras and Viking slaves out there to be true. Yet, I do think intuitively endless cycles of corporal/spiritual change and transformation makes more sense than purgatory, heaven and hell, or even Nothing.

(In my belief system, the jury is out whether it is possible for Tibetan monks to find the new and next Dali Lama years after the last one died. For the sake of world peace, I really do hope they know what they are doing. That is the one and only exception I am not willing to weigh in upon.)

It’s another thing with angels.

They are true. They might not all be as godly and good as esoteric literature would have us believe, but they are there in our hearts and dreams.

The following series of collages and poems is a flight of fancy and I apologise up front if I am stepping upon anyone’s religious toes. I also want to apologise to any angels out there who might feel I am taking the mickey out of them. That is not my intent.

The idea behind this project is to imagine what would happen if we were given complete free choice as to what form of angel we wished to be. The angels in these poems are real people I have loved and whose spirits stay close to me even after they died.

The following series of collages and poems are dedicated to my children. They may not remember their family relatives or, in some cases, even had the opportunity to meet them, but the legacy of these people live on in some of my children’s personality traits and physical attributes. How marvelous is that?

Angel in the Sea

Going off this week on a writing retreat. This is something I have dreamed about for the lsat few years. Going off with a dear friend. She's writing her second novel. I am writing family stories. In between, we will hopefully be walking on the beach talking about writing or sharing a good curry lentil soup also talking about writing.

The collage above is the first in an angel collage series. This one is for my father. Gazing into the vast surface of sea foam and seeing an angel appear.

Things you can never live down

Falling asleep in a workshop you are giving.

(Fortunately not me! And thankfully no one taking my trainings have either.)

Moscou Berlin Paris

No, I am not on this train. It is waiting on the track next to mine. Don't you love the visuals of the sign?

Plastic Palm Trees

Plastic palm trees, standing absurdly rigid at the corners of the café terrace. Who managed to convince the owners these monstrosities would add flair?

Beans Left

Do you remember way back when... when the idea of vblogs was new and crazy. That's when I discovered ZeFrank. I loved and was annoyed and sometimes I was even embarrassed watching his videos. There were times he was brilliant and other times he completely overstepped my inner boundary into the Land of the Tasteless. All these years later, he still has the ability to provoke and invoke.

Three of his statistics I found interesting:

• 1,099 days commuting to work (I am so glad I have always been able to ride my bicycle or walk to work)
• 3,202 days of work (which means the average person lives a ratio of 1 to 3 between commuting and working)
• 2,676 days watching television (talk about massive cognitive surplus!)

Beans for thought...

Are you in // or // out?

ARE YOU IN // OR // OUT ? from 2 FACTORY on Vimeo.
"Motion animation which presents with humour what's IN or OUT in our daily life."

Other than preferring to drink coffee in the street rather in a café, our lives here seem to be dipped deeply into the "IN" side of the popularity pool. What a lark.

Yum Yum Yuck

Some people find the even the idea of eating snakes abhorrent. Others don't can’t stomach the idea of rats. Yet, there are countries that consider these delicacies.

Then there is catfish, a delicacy where I live. The photo above was in the news today. The fisherman, Wolfgang Richter, says he is not goint to eat it, but put ito on display.

As a long time vegetarian… it doesn’t matter snake, rat, or catfish… it’s all yuck to me.

Adoption

I came long ago from another century speaking another language feeling another life rhythm. And then after a few years of much stumbling and stuttering with my marshmallow tongue and smattering of cultural understanding, my children were born out of my body, tied thinly and ever so precariously to their forefathers from lands farfar away. There was no one there reminding me or teaching them of the sounds and rhythm of our ancestors. So, I raise my children as best I could, but conspicuously of my displacement in the clicking of my tongue and the beating of my heart. They are the flesh of my flesh; even though the words they use to explore and express their world will never be those I would have used before I Came Away.

Sometimes the questions are complicated

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” ― Dr. Seuss

Life is sometimes complicated as well, though my methods of coping with the challenges is simple... baby steps. It has been two-and-half years since I started out as a freelance trainer and technical editor. There have been many ups-and-downs. Overall though, it has been a hugely rewarding journey so far.

I never wanted to be self-employed because essentially I like working in a team. I love being paid regularly at the end of the month. And, most importantly, the German social system is highly robust (medical, dental, unemployment, and pension) for employees of companies and not in the least for the self-employed. Being employed instead of self-employed is the path of least resistance: in a good way and not in the “lie back and think of England” way.

A friend of mine entered the corporate world after being self-employed at the same time as I did the opposite. I worked in large corporations for nearly 30 years. She worked successfully as a freelance writer for over ten. She is fifteen years younger than I am and still has a promising career ahead of her. It will be interesting to see what happens to us over the next 15 years. The rewards and challenges of our work are distinctly different.

What I notice the most in our talks is her clarity about her worth. She not only knows how to make herself useful in the company where she is working, but she know where it is she wants to go. This drive is fuelled by the healthy self-confidence of someone who has survived and succeeded on her own and not by pure ambition to climb the ladder for the sake of acquiring privilege.

Thirty years ago, when I finished my studies, most graduates stepped seamlessly into the corporate world. There were a wealth of opportunities. We could choose the field of our interests, in my case medical equipment, as well as the country we wished to work in. This is why I choose Germany, since they are strong leaders in manufacturing medical equipment. Other students in my graduating classes took a large variety of job positions all over the world.

This has changed. There is no guarantee a university graduate will find a job after graduation. Even though this is as an appalling situation, I think there are two aspects, which developed out of this hard reality that are worth considering. First, self-employment becomes far more attractive, even for persons with minimal professional experience. Secondly, if the system of building a sterling career at a major corporation is broken, than young people should be allowed to experiment, take risks, start again, and even mistakes in their job choices.

A former student I worked with asked me recently to meet, so we could talk about a job offer he had been given. We talked for an hour discussing all the various pros and cons of the job. “Should I take the job?” was a far more complicated question in his mind than it was in mine. I could have simply answered, “Yes!”, when he first asked the question, but then we wouldn’t have shared a cup of coffee and such an interesting conversation.

Enough said…

Finally found some time and redid the layout of this blog. Hope you like it. Also on the looonnnggg list of things to do, is returning to my once loved pastime of making collages. A wonderfully creative pursuit that has always brought me much joy.

Life of Contemplation

Summer has come. We are finally able to leave the home without fleece jackets and raincoats. Yet, here I am dreaming of frozen Siberean lakes and smokey cabins...