When I was 25 … (Part 5)

This is the last of the five things I didn’t know back 25 years ago:

Definition of family

My forefathers all immigrated to Canada from Ireland or England sometime in the 19th century. They originally settled in the countryside outside of Montreal. After a generation or two they immigrate into the city, and then after another generation or two they moved out to the newly developed suburbs of Montreal.

The only people who left the tight family circle where those who tripped into socially unacceptable behaviour, or stumbled into criminal dark areas. Their departure from the family was silent and secret. They either went out west or down south. Their names were rarely, if ever, mentioned again.

Family was blood relations. The men were expected to be there at christenings, weddings, funerals, holiday feasts, and every Sunday after church. The daughters dropped by their parents’ homes daily or, if not, they phoned home for a chat.

It was only during my parent’s generation that sons and daughters (through marriage) left home or Canada to set out on a life of adventures. Family remained family, but they could only see each other for christenings, weddings, funerals, and as many holiday festivities as the distances would permit. Still, family was blood relations.

I moved around from country to country most of my childhood. After I finished university 25 years ago, I moved over to Germany. Up until ten years or so ago, I also thought family was blood relations. Now I realise that the mobility of my parents, the lack of roots in my own life, the forming of deep and trusting relations with others people in other countries has brought a change to my definition of family.

Family has become Chosen Family; people who share our day-to-day interests, as well as, their loving presence in times of crisis. Those dear people who are spiritually, emotionally, and physically immersed in our life every step of the way.

Family is no longer only blood, but chosen relations as well.