Sins and Secrets

One of the darkest sins in my extended family, as in most families, is the keeping of secrets. We remain silent about mean or evil deeds done by those who sit across the table from us at social gatherings. We ignore the fact that these acts occurred or do not admit the consequences of how these deeds affected others, or do not make the persons involved accountable. In doing so, we unwittingly give exoneration to the doers.

Equally we diminish the heroic struggles of those who chose to swim against social norms. We do not acknowledge who they are or what they did and thus allow their deep personal struggles to disappear from the slate of our family history. They are referred to as the black sheep in the family, or the “young mavericks”. The details of their rebellion are often withheld from us.

Family is family. Everything is family. Knowing the secrets, we know the shadows of human nature - our own individual humanity.

It is within our family circle that we discover our own values of right and wrong: not through teachings, but through direct experience. Our value system is derived from the lessons we learn, we learn through experiencing situations or studying personalities of people we know and not just by reading the words printed in books, or observing characters in films.

To give name to the misdeeds or misadventures of family members, plants seeds in the garden of life’s lesson. Sometimes these seeds grow into lessons of forgiveness and compassion. We only have to live in an environment where freedom of speech encourages discussion about what family members think, do, or dream of doing.

The irony is, even though it is cowardly to keep secrets, it takes very little strength of character just to tell the truth. All you have to do is speak up.