Off to sit on a cushion

I'm off  in a few days time to sit on a cushion away from the day-to-day distractions and all online contact. Sometime people ask why anyone would do such a thing. Louis C.K's story of sitting in his car at the side of the road and allowing himself to experience sadness and happiness, is as good an explanation as possible.

By the way, his explanation about smartphone use and children, is also quite brilliant.

You are what you eat, but you can be what you wear

I've been following David McRaney's blog, You're Not SoSmart, for a few years now. Any blog with the byline “a celebration of self-delusion” is a good blog to read. Secondly, I really like his interest in exploring and demythisizing common beliefs.

Even it he sets out to cure us of our false beliefs, he does not appear to be doing it out of a wish to rub our noses in our ignorance.

“I, David McRaney, am not a psychologist or an economist. I am a journalist and fan writing about what those super-smart and hard-working people are discovering on these topics. Sometimes, I get it wrong. I’m doing my best to translate it all and make it fun, but If I’m wrong and you know it, please let me know. These things can be edited and corrected. I welcome assistance in clarifying the concepts.”

In this world where everyone seems to consider themselves infallible experts, you got to like someone who is willing to be corrected.

The Innovation of Loneliness

Shimi Cohen wrote the script and created the design and animation of the video above. He based this piece on Sherry Turkle’s book, Alone Together. It poses the question, “What is the connection between Social Networks and Being Lonely?”

It is one of those visualisations that challenges the brain. Very quick successions of input, some subtle and others confusing; needing thought as the verbal message keeps roaring down the tracks.

I was having some difficulty following the script, so I clicked on the automatic annotations. Boy, was that ever amusing. It made little or no sense at all. Admittedly, Mr. Cohen does talk very quickly, but seriously:

“invention of language in gossip as hell sleep larger and more group just a logical research indicates that the maximum naturals I think group humans is roughly 150 members”  

Instead of,

“The invention of language and gossip has helped to shape larger and more stable groups. Sociological research indicates that the maximum natural size of groups for humans is roughly 150 members.”

The obvious discrepancies drove me to sit down this morning and write out the script as it is spoken (see below). Reading the text slowly, allowed me needed time to slowly ponder the ideas presented.

Generally, I find them interesting. Yet, I think they only apply when you restrict Social Networks to just a few, though admittedly powerful, platforms like FB and Twitter. There are many social media platforms, Wikipedia being the most notable, where Mr. Cohen’s and Ms. Turkle’s hypothesis probably wouldn’t hold.

Here’s the script. Not without errors, but at least a more approximate facsimile.

A simple fact, monkeys that a known to have a developed social life, organize in small groups with several dozen members. The size of each of these groups is limited. In order for them to function, all members of the group need to know each other well. The average size of the group changes from 20 to 50 members. When the number of monkeys in a group passes a certain threshold, the social order crumbles and the group tends to split into two separate groups. A similar situation can be found amongst humans as well.

The invention of language and gossip has helped to shape larger and more stable groups. Sociological research indicates that the maximum natural size of groups for humans is roughly 150 members. Most humans are just incapable of intimately knowing more than 150 people. So even today the threshold of human organizations around the number of 150 members.

Man is a social creature and the feeling of loneliness can drive them mad. Yet, the western and modern world sanctions individuality. The individual is measured by personal achievements, such as having a career, wealth, a self-image, and consumerism. In this course of action, many people lose their social and familial connections, in favor of a self-actualization ideal. As a social fabric in the western world weakens, it is not surprising that more and more people define themselves as lonely. And thus, loneliness has become the most common aliment of the modern world.

One of the possible reasons for the aliment is the online social network. In a world where time is money, in which our surroundings heavily pressure us to achieve more and more, our social life becomes tainted and more demanding than ever before.

And then there's technology. Simpler. Hopeful. Optimistic. Ever young. We become addicted to virtual romance disguised by The Social Network, which supplies an impressive platform that allows us to manage our social life most effectively. However, our fantasies about substitutions are starting to take a toll. We’re collecting friends like stamps, no distinction of quantity versus quality, and converting the deep meaning of intimacy in a friendship with exchanging photos and chat conversations.

By doing so, we are sacrificing conversation for mere connection. And so a paradoxical situation is created, in which we claim to have many friends while actually being lonely.

So what is the problem with having a conversation? Well, it takes place in real time and you can’t control what you're going to say. And that is the bottom line. Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the Self as you want it to be. We get to edit and that means, we get to delete.

Instead of building true friendships, we’re obsessed with endless personal promotion. Investing hours on end building our profile, pursuing the optimal order of words in our next message, choosing the pictures in which we look our best. All of which is meant to serve as a desirable image of who we are. We are expecting more from technology and less from each other. The social networks aren't just changing what we're doing, but also who we are. And that's because technology appeals to us most where we are most vulnerable.

And we are vulnerable. We are lonely, but we’re afraid of intimacy. While the social networks offers us three gratifying fantasies. One that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be. Two that we will always be heard. And three that we will never have to be alone. And that third idea, that we will never have to be alone, is central to change in our psyches.

It's shaping a new way of being. The best way to describe it is, “I share therefore I am”.

We use technology to define ourselves by sharing our thoughts and feelings, even as we're having them. Furthermore we’re faking experiences so we have something to share. So we can feel alive. We slip into thinking that always being connected is going to make us feel less alone. But we are at risk because the opposite is true. If we are not able to be alone, we are only going to know… how to be lonely.

Growing old in 5 minutes

This gorgeous video was made by Anthony Cerniello who writes at the You Tube page: ”I attempted to create a person in order to emulate the aging process. The idea was that something is happening but you can't see it but you can feel it, like aging itself.” You can read about how it was made at Huffington Post.

Bards of Old

Do you wonder whether if any of the bards of old came to us in the future, whether their musical instrument of choice would be the ukulele?

Theresa's Angel

Allegro

Not just the crystal timbre

Drawn out by the violin bow;

But, the tang of spring moss

On the Laurentian moor /

The cinnamon accent singing

In the bite of Sunday’s apple cake /

The galloping laughter ricocheting

Around during the car ride

Home from the airport /

The joyous crazy cacophony

Of young children’s voices

Bundling up before going

Out to play in the snow/

I am not the slow and stately

Adagio. Rather, I am the bright

Quick piercing bliss of Allegro.

That is me.

Dave's Angel

I want to leave behind the heavy body,

With its fallen-arched leather-soled feet,

The knees and elbows spotted with

Various growths of undiscernible nature.

The big belly, the Buddha belly,

Getting in the way, having to be

Maneuvered around whenever

Flight of motion is called for. And,

The sounds: the stomping, stumbling,

Groaning, moaning, sighing, slurping

Sounds. And that special tuneless,

Toneless whistling between half-closed lips.

Not that any of this really bothers me,

But, given the choice…

I choose to be a sea sprite.

A delicate, willowy, semi-transparent,

Possible to see out of the corner of

Your eyes, beautiful Ethereal Being.

Taking flight, oh so briefly, off the wisps

Of sea spray twirling on the tops of

Angry roaring waves. Then blissfully,

I plunge into the depths of tidal surges.

Down. Down. Soaring along the seamount

Of volcanic crust. Deep. Deep. Under

Kick’em Jenny, across the strait of water

Between Grenada and Carriacou;

Where the boats are now heading

Before the sun goes down, and the

Green Flash can blind them with its

Mystic wonder.

Instead, I’m free to fly above and below.

There is neither. There are both. Except now

When there is only the cold of a ship’s grave,

The heat of escaping lava, the exhilaration

Of dancing along the breath of this seemingly

Endless expanse of sea landscape.

Ahead a storm looms… I turn and rush back,

Head on, into the turbulence. The chaos.

It's mine. It's me. It's what I'm meant to be.

Edna's Angel

An antique doll with a porcelain face

In white wedding garb with plenty of lace.

So much adored and kindly kept

By generations of girls

Believing in princes and kisses in vain;

Till they learn that needed lesson

That Real and Realistic are not the same.