Grandma Buckley belonged to a generation of women who mastered handicrafts at an extraordinary level. Knitting, crocheting, rug-making—these were just the beginning. In her childhood, nothing was store-bought if it could be made by industrious hands. Girls were taught from a young age to avoid the shame of "idle hands, idle thoughts." Beyond practicality, there were specific handicrafts every young lady learned to prepare a proper dowry.
Grandma’s talents went far beyond the expected. She painted delicate porcelain, crafted intricate bobbin lace, embroidered detailed flowers and landscapes, quilted, and hemstitched napkins and tablecloths. Her home was a gallery of her handiwork, her cupboards brimming with treasures. Despite only completing a grade-six education, she carried herself with the grace and refinement of a true gentlewoman.
She was also a woman of profound faith. Grandma attended mass daily, sometimes more often on special holidays. Her faith was intertwined with her creativity—she was always crafting mittens, Christmas wreaths, quilts, jams, jellies, and baked goods to sell at church bazaars. At her funeral, an old friend shared a remarkable story: Grandma’s handmade goods were so admired at these events that they outshone all others. Initially, each woman had her own table or designated spot, but buyers flocked to Grandma’s wares, clearing her table within the first thirty minutes. To avoid embarrassment for the other contributors, the organizers eventually began spreading Grandma’s creations among the other displays, ensuring fairness in the sales.
What has always puzzled me is why Grandma’s artistry was never truly acknowledged, even within our family. She never sought praise and rarely received it. Was it because she was a woman, living in a time when only men were considered artists? Or was it because traditional handicrafts were dismissed as mere domestic labor rather than actual art?
Later in life, Peter became a remarkable writer and even rediscovered his love for playing Bach on the piano. Grandma’s creative spirit skipped over Pat and John but found it in Karen, Kim, D., and me. Without fanfare or formal lessons, she inspired us simply by living her art. Her gentle persistence as a role model shaped our lives in ways she likely never imagined.
At the moment, it means I no longer contribute to the state retirement plan. It also means facing the stark reality of how little my monthly pension is and how Giui and I must reduce monthly costs. And even though my monthly income has been drastically reduced, I still have to pay taxes, which supports the popular saying that the only two certainties in life are death and taxes.
I'll stop moaning about money and look at the positive aspects:
I no longer have to apply for vacation time; instead, I can just travel whenever I want.
I am the boss of my calendar. Recently, I did some contractual work for my old team and instantly found myself back in the labyrinth of meeting conflicts.
I can focus on my main priority, which is to live healthily. This means getting 7- 8 hours of sleep a night, walking 10,000 steps a day, eating well, not drinking alcohol or eating sweets, doing yoga twice a week, and going to the gym twice a week. I used to do more sports, such as Tai Chi and meditation, but I have not done so since the children came. So, changing my focus towards more movement and a healthy lifestyle is a significant shift.
I've been spending time travelling. Admittedly, I have been like a child in a candy shop in the last few months. I have spent a fair portion of the time travelling alone or visiting family and friends. I've travelled down to Frankfurt slowly, with regional trains. Slow travel, how luxurious is that.
Now, for the stuff I have not been doing well. Whether this is because I have yet to make the mental shift, or because I am avoiding change, I cannot say:
The list is long, but it is better to stop here. As you can see, I have a lot to reflect on and change.
Giui always buys sweets to give out on Halloween, even though we do not get any visitors. We live in the middle of the city and so most parents bring their children to the suburbs to trick or treat.
Can you imagine our surprise, when our doorbell rang last night? It was Limo and Wian. Wian with a very small bag, half-filled with candy. She delicately choose one candy from our meager selection. What a dear-heart.
What a delight!
Lesson 8: be aware of the 150% - 100% divide
When you are on a boat for an extended period of time, you get to know things about the other crew members that even their friends and family do not know. Being in a small space in the middle of a vast ocean exposes foibles as well as strengths. Not everyone likes to become aware of the edges of their personalities, nor do they always find the patience to deal with those of others. Nowhere is this impatience more noticeable than in how willing each crew member is to do their "fair share."
The harmony of the boat can rest on completing your tasks and responsibilities correctly and in a timely manner. Things like:
Actually, the list is endless. Generally, you need to:
1. listen to the
captain's instructions
2. make sure the boat is always tip-top
3. Think about what
you can do to make the crew happy
4. make sure you
are doing your allocated tasks properly
On the surface, you are there to have fun and enjoy yourself. On another level, you have to be diligent and follow the four points in the order in which they are presented. Dave said that you have to do 150% of what you think fair is your share for others to think you have done 100%.
Conclusion: when cohabitating with others, keep working
Lesson 6: there is bliss in unison
These are Dave's three rules for teamwork:
* Everyone has to
know which tasks to complete, when to complete them, and how to do them.
* Everyone should concentrate on completing their tasks well. They should not interfere with anyone else who is doing or not doing their tasks the way they think they should do them.
* If anyone asks you
for help, no matter when you help them.
When teamwork works, there are moments of bliss for all. This feeling of unison is truly marvellous.
Conclusion: good teamwork is not rocket science
Lesson 5: get comfortable with discomfort
"Get comfortable with discomfort" was one of Dave's most often repeated mottos, especially regarding aging. If there is one thing you can say about sailing, it is that you are constantly experiencing discomfort.
Kim and I were on her boat this summer when her motor wouldn't start. She called her nifty mechanic, and he tried to troubleshoot over the phone. She was up and down from the cockpit to the motor room, scrambling deep into storage areas, looking for various voltmeters and tools, lifting heavy battery banks, and filing down contact points.
Watching her try to fix the situation reminded me so much of Dave. He'd work and work to fix system failures. If he couldn't do that, he would work on finding a Plan B
that would allow us to sleep peacefully that night.
Conclusion: stay agile in mind and body
Settler (noun): a person who arrives, especially from another country, in a new place in order to live there and use the land
The whole idea of retribution towards our Indigenous people, is not something I heard about during my childhood and early adulthood. Being Canadian was (and still is) a positive badge I carry.
Who wouldn't want to be Canadian? This is more so if you are a Canadian living in Germany. At least we are not American.
Unfortunately, there is a strong anti-American sentiment in German media, especially when it comes to culture (or lack of), education (university education is free here), medical care (the social medical system functions for all, yet is far from perfect), and social infrastructure (good public transport systems exist throughout the country).
It is not that the media is pro-German; they are definitely critical about all that goes on here. Yet, they are also critical of the "America the Great" mentality. And like many countries worldwide, they spend a lot of energy reporting on the happenings in the States. Especially over the last ten years with a certain President, now running candidate with a criminal record, hogging the headlines and the weakening of the demographic system.
Okay, now back to settlers...
Recently, I had a discussion with a dear friend in Montreal. They mentioned they felt cornered into being a "Canadian settler" rather than "Canadian". Their forefathers and foremothers immigrated centuries ago to Montreal. They felt frustrated, even angry, at being labelled a settler.
In my case, my great-grandparents on the maternal side and my great-great-grandparents on the paternal side settled in Canada. The first came as poor Irish fleeing the potato famine. The others were tradesmen seeking opportunity.
So, even though they were not individually responsible for the tragedies and crimes committed toward Indigenous people, they were settlers. On top of that, on the paternal side, it can be argued they were colonialists.
So, as someone who is truly sorry for the destruction the Indigenous people suffered, and the role European settlers played in the past, I am (at the very least) a settler. I do not see it as a badge of shame, though I am deeply ashamed of how ignorant I have been believing the history I was taught. Instead, I endeavour to carry the badge of truth as best I can.
