In difficult times

 

when panic or fear

electric scorch-marks

along the membrane

of my brain and heart...

stop, slow down, breathe

use all those inherited traits

from over the Irish Sea

denial, distraction, 

deliberate avoidance...

mix with science, age old

mindful practices, kindness

love...

oh love, blessed is this day

* This post is part of my "Growing Up & Growing Old" project.

Being an ally

Walking, meditating, contemplating on time.

How reality has changed. No. Not reality. Me.

Listening to a podcast about Nero, The Matrix, and being trans

Finally, I discovered an open door.

No longer just a sympathizer. Now I am an ally.

wasserspiegel

In German the surface of a sea, lake, or ocean is called Wasserspiegel... water mirror... love the notion

from afar

Picture book beautiful. Cathedral steeples piercing the sky. Lone man does his Tai Chi by the pond. Empty bottles float by, telling a story of last night's drunkenness. 

Sunday morning

(drawing: yesterday's art class)

Spending the day in quiet occupation. Going for a walk with a friend. Drawing. 

I want to try and make up a mindmap called "how to get through difficult times". Will publish it later if I amounts to anything.

time unfolding

I went for a long walking meditation this morning around the Luebeck Cathedral. The more often I do this, the closer I sense a feeling of equanimity. Adding my footprints among the generations and generations of others footprints of humanity walking along those paths and under those majestic trees.

Letting go of a lifelong notion

All of these years I believed I was not an artist. Now, after buying an iPad a few months back, taking online art courses and many hours of patient endeavoring... I can let go of that lifelong notion. Of course I am an artist. We all are. Some of us just do not draw or paint. While other of us do.

Kindness

A dear friend is in hospital and so i spend time each day drawing images and putting in a quote that I hope will make her smile and forget the pain for one small moment. 

I have not learned well what to do with worry. Worry about the children, friends and family, colleagues in need, and the world in crisis. I wish to hold onto joy. I yearn for lightness of being. I would also like a bit of that Zen detachment that is so mysteriously elusive for someone like me.

Morning meditation

Time to sit in contemplation and do my meta meditation for family and friends:

* May you be happy

* May you be healthy and strong

* May you be safe from all harm

* May you be at ease in the world

These times continue to be confusing and desperate. I do not know how to fathom their reach into the essential corners of our hearts. And so, I do my meta meditation.

 

self-care in a nutshell

The question is why am I spending time and creative energy quoting an author that I do not like so much. Well, for today that is okay. Tomorrow I will try and do better.

Lost in thoght

Watching a family of four walking along a sidewalk this morning. Each lost in their own thoughts. Not one of them realising that those persons coming from the opposite direction them had to go out into the street to avoid them.

Still learning

The weekend was spent walking, in meditation and learning online courses. This drawing comes out of an online art course I took a few months ago. 

Slowly, I am coming out of my stay at home shell. We have been living in semi-isolation since the end of February. Since the wait for anti-viral medication and vaccine continues, Giui and I have to come up with some other means of "leaving home" regularly.

Working remotely, while having a steady and stable job, is absolutely a gift. I cannot imagine what it would be like if I was still self-employed. 

new career perspectives

A small miracle happened, I received a promotion to Senior HR Manager. I feel such elation. I have fought many battles in my career and faced many prejudices. I did not always manage to be gracious and grateful for every small personal career-step attained. I would often lament about the systemic misogyny and xenophobia that prevails as strongly now as when I started my career. I have also often felt defeated by the shameful little change my generation of women managed make. 

So, this promotion makes me happy because it shows my children that their mother found a company that was willing to put their faith in me at such a late stage in my career. How I wish I could share the news with Dave. He would have been chuffed.  

Tiny dew drops

Photo: almost indiscernible... dew drops on grass

This morning, I walked the paths outside the cathedral, around and around, on stones laid seven hundred years ago and under shading trees planted in the time of Enlightenment, and I draw strength for me and send it to all my loved ones.  

Back on track

Well I am back. Again. So much as changed. Surely, that goes for everyone. I am going to post drawings and photos and tell stories.

Photo: taken just around the corner where I live. Rebirth.

I am starting a new morning ritual of writing down HLGs (daily highlight, let go of, grateful for).

A year of discovery

This year I decided to do some exploring. First step, I joined Skillshare.

I started a sketch book that captures ideas, moments, and memories for my two children. Even though I wrote a diary for years, I haven't in such a long time, and generally, I do not feel the inclination to start again. I have read so much about journaling and developing a creative practice, yet I was very reluctant to start.

So, I began slowly. This sketch book is part journal, part storybook.

Creating the sketch book is a joyous timelessness occupation. What more could one ask. I am absolutely loving this experiment.

A good year...

Embed from Getty Images

This year has been a good year. It started in the depths of mourning. Continued in a stumbling manner. But, amazingly, it slid into a place of wonder. Family is healthy and strong. I have a new job...one that I love. For this and much much more. I am Grateful.

Feminists: What Were They Thinking?

It is New Year's Eve 2018. This film is going to be the first program I will watch tomorrow.

I wish you a very good year. May it hopefully be a year of new discovery. May we all choose our words carefully. Act intentionally. Treat others kindly.

I love you dearly.

A ten-year old rant

Embed from Getty Images

I was going through my blog this morning at the unpublished drafts. I stumbled upon this one that I wrote ten years ago and it made me laugh. How simple life was back then. Obama had just been voted into office and we were all full of hope. This was written in the middle of trip I took with my two children to NYC. It was a fabulous trip and so, I can only imagine I wrote it to let off steam and decided not to publish it.

Enjoy the silly rant of a middle-aged woman, who was oblivious to all the changes heading our way…

These last few days have been full of new ideas and impressions. That seems like a natural consequence of stepping into new territory. It is nice to occasionally test that tolerance bone; the one that must cope with social change and behavior.

I would be exaggerating if I said that my little tolerance bone has only been in the “happy camper” mode since arriving here. There are some forms of behavior that make me feel very uncomfortable, irate, or plum embarrassed. Here are a few that send tiny electrical shocks through me: 

• Many cars, pedestrians, cyclists do not pull over and stop when ambulances are trying to drive by. The ambulances have sirens, lights, and are honking their horns, and often the have to merge with the normal flowing traffic because no one moves over.
• Cars weave in-and-out and delivery trucks park in the BUS ONLY LANE. (Seems senseless to implement such a system and not enforce it.)
• The waitresses and waiters take your dishes off the table before the last person is finished eating. (Yesterday, my daughter got her dessert before her brother was finished with his main dish.)
• Many children do not act age-appropriately: 5-6-year-old girls being carried around on the hips/waists of their fathers: 10-12-year-olds sucking their thumbs or pacifiers in public: 10-12-year-olds not able to use forks and knives when eating in restaurants (often using their fingers).

I’m not saying this sort of behavior is wrong, just that my reaction tells me that I have been living in Germany too long. Before, such things wouldn’t have caused even a twitch. Now, they ensue a complex series of emotions that are hard to ignore. Not a good thing.

I don't want to leave the impression that everything is hunky dory back in Luebeck. That just isn't true. It is just other things make me feel uncomfortable then before. And, for the most part, when I go somewhere new, I try to keep an open mind to the new culture and people. It is hard to hold up this mirror and see my intolerance. Got to get working on that.

Accessible and inclusive design

What a marvelous aid for those of us with seeing impairment or who have difficulty navigating ourselves through new environments. (I am one of the later.) I love how accessible and inclusive the design is.

I’ve looked at a few other videos that speak to the beta testers. It is interesting that one or two said they found it irritating or had to get used to the “chatter” in the background. What they are referring to is, the app mentions store and street names as you are passing. Brilliant! For those of us who have the feeling of being lost every time we land in a new city, how amazing would it be to have a guide saying where you are is absolutely right every step of the way.

Can’t wait for the app to work in other countries.