Definition of lush

Work slop, AI slop
What a divine way to call
Something so useless.

#booksIlove: Titus Groan

Title: Titus Groan, by Mervyn Peake
First time I read the book: when I was dancing full-time at Les Grand Ballet after returning from Cannes, France

I recently decided to download this book as an audiobook, and I am delighting in this book again. I remember being enthralled by the strangeness of the world he presents and how relatable his characters were. They were not nice people, nor were they intrinsically bad. They were, rather, just flawed.

Not a plea for pity

I've always wanted to sing, and in my heart, when I do, I hit notes true. Yet, when Mr. Vincent, the only male teacher in our all-girls private school, whom all the girls have a massive crush on, though he knows I know he has a crush on Sasha, on one of the male ballet dancers at Les Grand Ballet Canadiens where I study dance "seriously", and therefore, he kind likes me more than any of the other frivolous girls with their insipid emotions, listens to me sing, and instead of letting me sing one of the solos, or in the choir during our Christmas concert, we are giving in the beautiful Saint James church down the street, he gives me bells to jingle and a leather strap to snap, which I foolishly interpret as a kind of solo, until my friend Ann jokingly expounds about my tone deafness, many years later, to my teenage kids, as we rest at the top of Mount Royal Park looking down at the city, and while everyone laughs, I shrink inward because I had never been on the joke, even back then.

#booksIlove: Teaching a Stone to Talk

Title: Teaching a Stone to Talk: Expeditions and Encounters, by Annie Dillard
First time I read the book: when it was first printed in 1982

This book has always been one of my Top Ten Favourite Books. Annie Dillard is a singularly brilliant writer about creativity, writing, life, loss, and everything in between. She has such finesse in how she puts her ideas on paper.

This is the book I restored at the bookbinding workshop I took this week because it was falling apart and I wanted to make sure it always has its proper place on my bookshelf.

Dancing with angels

 “Oh human being, learn to dance,
otherwise the angels in heaven
will not know what to do with you.”

— Aurelius Augustinus

This is such a relief, for if there is one thing I know, it is how to dance. How to follow a lead. How to dance with abandon.

Will the dancing in heaven be a silent rave, each of us hearing the music inside our heads or bodies separately? The only noise heard: the creaking of bones and the occasional beatboxing beneath the breath of someone who has forgotten the rules. Or will it be a beautiful orgy of sounds, body limbs swirling, bending, sliding to the rhythm of the music?

It does not matter, I’m ready for anything. That is, if I can choose my costume: a light green satin gown of my younger body, the burnt-orange cashmere cummerbund of a mother-wife who finally loves and is loved, all draped in a midnight-blue sequined tulle of this older me, whose heart and brain are those of a warrior.

What a dancer I will be.

Finding my way back

 VORSATZ

Auf dem Weg nach vorn 
mit der Flut der Wörter 
die ungenauer werden 
je häufiger man sie ausspricht  

gehen wir zurück
Wort für Wort
einzuholen
was uns vorschwebt  

Heinz Kattner

I'm running ahead with writing the book, chapter after chapter I kept a quick pace. Now, I have reached a point, the pinnacle of my journey and the words have run out. I can't seem to figure out how to climb this last incline. It's about what Dave taught me about sailing and life, but it is actually about dying and death.  

Each time I write the chapter, I take so many detours that the results are confusing and convoluted to the point there is nothing to do but start again. No morsel to clasp onto. No passage to save.  

I write and write, thinking this is going somewhere. Then I reread what I've written a few days later and discover what I've written is completely trash. Thus the need to start again. Or maybe I should go back before going forward. Find some way to use what I have written in the other chapters to prompt me into this chapter about Dave.

Don't you love it!

Mother in hijab
Alone with her three young sons
Steering an e-boat.

Not playing by the rules

In January, I took a fascinating ten-day course offered by Alison Jones called, The 10-day Business Book Proposal Challenge. The course was fabulous and resulted in my writing a book proposal for my book, which I would never have been able to do without taking the course.  Jones, a publisher herself, walked us step-by-step through this document, explaining what is needed from a publisher’s perspective.

 
My resulting book proposal is a very solid first draft. I would recommend the course to anyone wanting to write a non-fiction business book, or even, as in my case, a creative non-fiction book, whether you are going to seek a publisher or self-publish.

It was very challenging to write a book proposal about a book that was, at that time, only in my head. Yet the process has helped me enormously now that I have started writing the book.

I have continued to ruminate on Jones’ insights into the world of publishing and about being a first-time author. I did not know whether to seek a publisher or self-publish. It took a conversation with my son to make up my mind. He’s a solution architect, i.e., a computer scientist, and not an author. This made his perspective even more intriguing to me because I have also not yet published a book.

His advice was to self-publish. He suggested I pay a freelance editor and layouter and not worry about branding and marketing the book. He also said that the bottom line is that if 30 people end up reading my book, that’s fine. There is no correlation between the number of readers you have and the book's worth.
He believes, much in the way that is happening on social media, that bookshelves will soon become inundated with AI-generated books. This will, for a while, make it difficult for readers to find books written by human authors, other than those who already have a name. The probability of a first-time author finding a large readership with their first book is small.

There is also the reality that publishers, who give their heart and soul to publishing books, are no longer able to do much more than carry the editing, layout, and printing costs. There is an expectation from their side that you, as a new author, will dedicate a fair amount of your time each day to setting the stage, as it were, while you are writing the book.

Then, in the days leading up to the book launch, and in the weeks and months afterwards, you work full-time writing blog articles, getting yourself invited onto podcasts, and writing editorials or articles for online magazines or newspapers. Much in the way actors are expected to do the circuit when a film they perform in premieres, most writers now have to enter this circuit as well.

I think my friend, Charlotte, did a brilliant job of marketing of her new book, We Need New Leaders. She probably surpassed the expectations of her publisher. It was inspiring to witness.

Even though we have been friends for over twenty years, she still has the capacity to awe me. The way she stepped up to writing the book in six months, handled all the marketing and sales, and turned it into a bestseller was amazing. Yet, her journey made me realise how little I am presently capable of, or willing to, follow the same path.

This does not mean that I will not approach publishers. Never say never. Rather, my plans for the moment are to consult with a publisher, pay an editor to do the final edit, hire a graphic designer for the cover page, and probably do the layout myself. It will be an interesting and less costly process.

Less costly because, as a first-time author trying to get a publisher interested in taking on your book, the book not only has to fit within the scope of their catalogue, but you also have to say upfront how many hundreds of copies you are willing to buy from the run of the first print. The more you are willing to buy, the more likely they are to take your book on. I did some research and believe the upfront costs of self-publishing are on par with those of working with a smaller publisher.

It is such a paradox. Even before writing my book, I am getting tangled in a game I know I have little talent for. Is it possible to write a book the old way? To take this time in my life and dedicate it to mastering the art of writing?

Not as an act of self-indulgence, but as a creative practice. One I have carried out behind closed doors my whole life.

It has been a fascinating six months learning about the publishing world and how first-time writers can successfully publish their books. For now, though, I will take my son's advice and write the book and self-publish, knowing that the book may only be read by a few people, but hopefully loved by those who do.