Last year, I did a theme year on the topic of Freedom. Together with three other women, we explored our individual themes, all the while giving each other support. I must say that this experiment very much resonated with me.
I started by looking at how my inner prejudices and biases limit my freedom of thought. There are quite a few of them to work on. Yet, for the sake of this blog post let's look at just one. As you might know, I am a feminist. In my heart lives an aspiring radical feminist, but outwardly, especially in my work world, I am a diminished feminist.
Forty years working in various misogynistic predominately-male work fields has wore me down. So, one of the mechanisms for dealing with this was to develop a silent "old white guy" not-worth-the-effort response. When faced with blatant misogyny, this thought would come into my mind. No sense in addressing the statement. No sense in holding a mirror to the person who holds sexist or "frauenfeindlich" beliefs. He is just another old white guy who has no idea what a jerk he is.
What I do now, which is freeing, is I stopped swatting away the old white guy thoughts. Instead, I concentrate on how often I think this and question how much this biased thought limits my ability to react or respond accordingly. Not that I confront each and every statement or feel a need to hold the person accountable. Rather, to look at the person and acknowledge how their words puzzle/hurt/confuse/estranged/anger me.
So, essentially, I start with myself by acknowledging my bias and end with myself when I speak up, even quietly, and say I am not comfortable with their statement. This strategy might not seem radical. Yet, it has helped me stop saying in my mind, "old white guy" and start saying out loud, "be careful in the words you speak in my company".
(This post is part of my "Growing Up & Growing Old" project.)
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