I asked some friends the following question, “What was the hardest adult decision you made?” Most, not surprisingly, mention their decision to separate from their partner or spouse. Maybe loving and leaving is a part of growing up. Or maybe, it is something that most likely will happen to all of us at one time when growing old.
I never expected though that those break ups would still sting as decades pass. I thought the sting would fade, yet they do not. Break ups do not adhere to any time continuum.
K., wrote as an answer, “The decision to leave my first husband. A decision I will never not regret, and I’m still not sure, even 30+ years later, that that was a good decision.” At the time of their divorce, she was torn. Now 30 years on, she is still unsure of whether it was the right choice. Something that is hard for me, as her loving friend, to get my head around. Is her feeling of regret a feathery query for self-forgiveness or a barrier that stands between her and joyful acceptance?
As K’s friend, I wish I could help her leave the past, gently release herself from those memories that are no longer true and beliefs that have not stood the rigor of time.
(This post is part of my "Growing Up & Growing Old" project.)
No comments:
Post a Comment