#booksIlove: Bachelor Brothers Bed & Breakfast

Title: Bachelor Brothers Bed & Breakfast, Bill Richardson
When I first read the book: 1995

This is a book that Pat sent me during one of those dark winter months in northern Germany. It is in journal form, and what a delight to read. 

If I remember right, it is set on the west coast of BC. The characters flowing in and out of the two brothers' lives are such quirky, lovable people.

So, with winter drawing near, read this book!  

Finally someone rang our doorbell

Giui always buys sweets to give out on Halloween, even though we do not get any visitors. We live in the middle of the city and so most parents bring their children to the suburbs to trick or treat. 

Can you imagine our surprise, when our doorbell rang last night? It was Limo and Wian. Wian with a very small bag, half-filled with candy. She delicately choose one candy from our meager selection. What a dear-heart.

What a delight!

I am... a sailor (lessons 8)

Lesson 8: be aware of the 150% - 100% divide

When you are on a boat for an extended period of time, you get to know things about the other crew members that even their friends and family do not know. Being in a small space in the middle of a vast ocean exposes foibles as well as strengths. Not everyone likes to become aware of the edges of their personalities, nor do they always find the patience to deal with those of others. Nowhere is this impatience more noticeable than in how willing each crew member is to do their "fair share." 

The harmony of the boat can rest on completing your tasks and responsibilities correctly and in a timely manner. Things like:

• showing up 20 minutes before your watch begins
• cleaning up the galley directly after you have made a sandwich or snack for yourself (i. e. even before you eat it!)
• wipe down the head after showering or shaving
• don't leave any books, clothes, or clutter in the main cabin
• wash the dishes and clean up the galley directly after dinner is finished and before the evening activities (e.g. playing cards or stargazing)
• occasionally ask the others on watch if you can make them a cup of coffee or a snack
• clean up the cabin you are sharing with some other crew member
• occasionally clean up the main cabin
• occasionally sweep and wash the floors
• if needed, pump out the bilge water
• occasionally wash out the cockpit
• take the empty coffee cups and wash and put them away
• make sure all the lines are properly coiled

Actually, the list is endless. Generally, you need to:

1. listen to the captain's instructions

2. make sure the boat is always tip-top

3. Think about what you can do to make the crew happy

4. make sure you are doing your allocated tasks properly

On the surface, you are there to have fun and enjoy yourself. On another level, you have to be diligent and follow the four points in the order in which they are presented. Dave said that you have to do 150% of what you think fair is your share for others to think you have done 100%.

Conclusion: when cohabitating with others, keep working 

I am... a sailor (lessons 7)

Lesson 7: always welcome New Blood
 
I could never figure out whether Dave's way of inviting people to come sailing was of design or out of laziness. Whether it was a Sunday sail or a stretch on a long-distance voyage, the mix of people invited to come on the boat was a random mix of new and old.
 
Weirdly, the mix-and-match of the crews did work for the most part. This is why I think it might have been by design.
 
Though knowing Dave, it could have been out of laziness or disregard of how human dynamics can affect how much pleasure shared company contributes to the sailing experience. He always seemed to take people at face value.
 
I never saw him annoyed with the behaviour or predilections of the crew members. Yet, he had little patience in hearing me complain about certain people who got on my nerves. It was as if the whole art of creating a good crew was in the mix, and introducing a wild card  (someone new) was the hot sauce on top.
 
Conclusion: stay true to your beliefs

Sneaky winter raises its head

How did this happen
Already, the greens have gone
Yellow leaves falling.

I am... a sailor (lessons 6)

Lesson 6: there is bliss in unison

These are Dave's three rules for teamwork: 

* Everyone has to know which tasks to complete, when to complete them, and how to do them.

* Everyone should concentrate on completing their tasks well. They should not interfere with anyone else who is doing or not doing their tasks the way they think they should do them.

* If anyone asks you for help, no matter when you help them.

When teamwork works, there are moments of bliss for all. This feeling of unison is truly marvellous.

Conclusion: good teamwork is not rocket science 

#booksIlove: Essays in Idleness

Title: Essays in Idleness, Tsurezuregusa of Kenko
When I first read the book: probably in my early 20s

At one time, most of my reading was focused on Buddhist monks, mystics, and leaders of Eastern religions. Some of those books I read numerous times; this book, Essays in Idleness, I read only once. Yet, it has stayed on my bookshelf for the past 40 years. 

While browsing through my books this morning, I stumbled upon its delightful title. So, I think now would be the best time to read it again.

I am... a sailor (lessons 5)

Lesson 5: get comfortable with discomfort

 

"Get comfortable with discomfort" was one of Dave's most often repeated mottos, especially regarding aging. If there is one thing you can say about sailing, it is that you are constantly experiencing discomfort.

 

Kim and I were on her boat this summer when her motor wouldn't start. She called her nifty mechanic, and he tried to troubleshoot over the phone. She was up and down from the cockpit to the motor room, scrambling deep into storage areas, looking for various voltmeters and tools, lifting heavy battery banks, and filing down contact points.

 

Watching her try to fix the situation reminded me so much of Dave. He'd work and work to fix system failures. If he couldn't do that, he would work on finding a Plan B that would allow us to sleep peacefully that night.

Conclusion: stay agile in mind and body 

I am... a settler

Settler (noun): a person who arrives, especially from another country, in a new place in order to live there and use the land

The whole idea of retribution towards our Indigenous people, is not something I heard about during my childhood and early adulthood. Being Canadian was (and still is) a positive badge I carry.

Who wouldn't want to be Canadian? This is more so if you are a Canadian living in Germany. At least we are not American. 

Unfortunately, there is a strong anti-American sentiment in German media, especially when it comes to culture (or lack of), education (university education is free here), medical care (the social medical system functions for all, yet is far from perfect), and social infrastructure (good public transport systems exist throughout the country). 

It is not that the media is pro-German; they are definitely critical about all that goes on here. Yet, they are also critical of the "America the Great" mentality. And like many countries worldwide, they spend a lot of energy reporting on the happenings in the States. Especially over the last ten years with a certain President, now running candidate with a criminal record, hogging the headlines and the weakening of the demographic system.

Okay, now back to settlers... 

Recently, I had a discussion with a dear friend in Montreal. They mentioned they felt cornered into being a "Canadian settler" rather than "Canadian". Their forefathers and foremothers immigrated centuries ago to Montreal. They felt frustrated, even angry, at being labelled a settler.

In my case, my great-grandparents on the maternal side and my great-great-grandparents on the paternal side settled in Canada. The first came as poor Irish fleeing the potato famine. The others were tradesmen seeking opportunity. 

So, even though they were not individually responsible for the tragedies and crimes committed toward Indigenous people, they were settlers. On top of that, on the paternal side, it can be argued they were colonialists.

So, as someone who is truly sorry for the destruction the Indigenous people suffered, and the role European settlers played in the past, I am (at the very least) a settler. I do not see it as a badge of shame, though I am deeply ashamed of how ignorant I have been believing the history I was taught. Instead, I endeavour to carry the badge of truth as best I can.

I am... a sailor (lessons 4)

Lesson 4: everyone's equal though not the same

This is a difficult lesson to describe. Some of this has to do with Dave's casual way of making people feel at ease with his company, no matter where they came from or what walk of life they followed. He really believed all were equal, and no level of status or experience, or lack of it, changed his way of dealing with people. On the boat, long-distance sailors or super-successful racers were treated equally as those who were sailing for the first time.

This is not the way ships are usually run. There is probably no better environment to witness top-down management than on a boat. (Okay, maybe the army.) So, the fact Dave was the way he was, was special. This is also the reason he had endless amount of people who wanted to crew for him.

Yet, there were many who only wanted to sail in good weather, or those who preferred to come for drinks once the boat was tied up. There were those who liked the idea of sailing but always backed out at the last moment. It wasn't a big deal. He never took it personally, but would continue inviting them to come along for a sail, even if they did not share the same enthusiasm he did for being out on water.

Conclusion: stay true to your beliefs

#booksIlove: Ronja, the Robber's Daughter

Title: Ronja, the Robber's Daughter, by Astrid Lindgren
The first time I read the book: 1985

I’ve always loved children’s books. Even as an adult. Ronja, the Robber's Daughter, by Astrid Lindgren was one of the first books I read in German. Astrid Lindgren was probably one of the most famous children’s books authors in all of Europe. I did not know about her until I came to Germany.

Even though she was most known for her character Pippi Longstockings, Ronja really went close to my heart.

A ray of light in autumn darkness

Dear friend from afar
Brings sunshine and good humour
Today's excitement. 

I am... a sailor (lessons 3)

Lesson 3: when handing over any task, you have to let go
 
Dave did not believe in what is now called micro-managing. No matter whether you were an experienced sailor or not, he treated everyone the same. He would give instructions to the person next to him if he needed something done. This led some fair-weather sailors to sit somewhere where Dave couldn't see them. But generally, many found it fun to sail with him because everyone contributed.
 
I was always puzzled why he'd send total beginners off to do tasks without any apparent worry, since sometimes the results were not good. I wondered why he didn't choose someone more capable. He said that as a captain, he wanted everyone to feel they were a part of the crew. There were no guests on his boat.
 
If and when things went wrong, he never blamed the person's competency. If a task was not done correctly, it was because his instructions were not good and not the fault of the other person's skills to execute them.
 
Conclusion: always give clear instructions

I am... a sailor (lessons 1-2)

Sailing was a large part of my life, particularly during my late teens and throughout my 20s. As a captain, Dave influenced my growth since I was born. Even after his death, so much of what I think and do is connected to the lessons he taught me while we sailed.
 
Lesson 1: always keep your sails trimmed
 
While sailing a regatta, speed is equal to how well you keep the boat's sails trimmed. When tacking, it is critical to change tack quickly and trim the sails. Even during pleasure sailing, Dave always ensured the sails were filled with wind and the boat was doing its best. If the jib started luffing, he would either change course or trim the sail.
 
Conclusion: never take your eyes off the sail.
 
Lesson 2: a good captain never shouts when the situation is critical
 
There was a time when we were sitting on the boat at the dock when two sailing boats came into the yacht club at the same time.
 
The first boat came in with a captain and four crew members, all dressed in the same T-shirts and looking very spiffy. A strong crosswind was blowing, making tying up to a slot very difficult. The captain had positioned the crew well, each with an extra fender to help fend off the boat if it got too close to another boat. Everything seemed to be going well when a sudden gust of wind hit the boat and manoeuvred it in the wrong direction.
 
The captain increased the motor speed to counter the wind and barked at the crew to fend off the boat. When things got tricky, he shouted at a crew member standing at the bow to jump onto the wharf and then told the other to throw them a line.
 
It was quite spectacular to see the captain struggling to get the boat under control and the crew jumping around, fending off the boats and getting the boat finally tied up.
 
The other boat only had the captain and one crew member. They came in and saw how tricky the situation was. The captain had to abort the first and second attempts because the wind drove the bow in the wrong direction. Eventually, on the third attempt, he tied up without any problem.

I remember Dave's look of admiration at the captain of the second boat. When questioned why, he responded, "A captain never shouts. The first boat was an embarrassing spectacle, whereas the second was a quiet victory."

Conclusion: aim for quiet victories

#booksIlove: The Wee Free Men

Title: The Wee Free Men, by Terry Pratchett
When I read it for the first time: sometime in the 90s and many times since

Claudia introduced Giui and me to Terry Pratchett. He is a writer of great fantasy, and his sense of humour is contagious. I listen to the audiobook more often than I read because Stephen Briggs, who narrates the book, best captures the craziness of his storyline with an inspiring ease. And the Scottish accents... bliss.

I am... a sailor (part 1)

Dave's idea of pleasure was being on a boat. It did not matter where he was or who he was with; sailing was where he felt most at home. I don't remember sailing much as a small child. When we finally arrived in Montreal, I must have been 7-8 years old, Dave connected up with an old friend, Frank.

Frank had a sailboat but didn't have anyone to sail with. Dave didn't have a boat, but he had all the time (so it with Frank seemed) to sail.  Eventually, Dave brought us kids along as crew. We could always be counted on to act as a willing crew during regattas. There was the Monday regatta series, the Wednesday series, and the weekend regattas. Every yacht club, from the St. Lawrence Yacht Club on the northwest side of Montreal down to the Hudson Yacht Club, would host at least one regatta during the summer season.

Frank and Dave would find adult volunteers to help crew, but the children were also expected to fill in. If you want to learn how to sail, be a crew member on a boat during a regatta. Sailing is generally a leisure sport, with an occasional storm. 
Most sailors are known for being relaxed beings. They keep their cool in all situations and are super cool because of this. Taking part in a regatta is serious business. There's no room for sloppiness. Looking at the crew during a race is a study of focused mind, intentional minimal movement, and awareness of what might come next.

 
Between the regattas, we had times when we went somewhere as a family, as a pleasure sail. We knew St. Louis and the Richelieu River like the back of our hands. We sailed often in Lake Champlain, the Thousand Islands, and Lake Ontario. Somewhere down the line, we went to Grenda and sailed the Grenadines. We went to Florida once (or twice?) and rented a houseboat in the Everglades. 

After D, Dave, and Pat moved to Grenada, sailing became a part of every visit I had. Once I moved to Germany, I spent nearly all my vacation time sailing with them in Europe (Greece, Turkey, France, England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, and Denmark), the Grenadines, Venezuela, and the East and West coasts of Canada.

I took a year's sabbatical and sailed with Dave and various changing crews from Scotland down to Gran Canary and then over to Grenada. Sometime later, we sailed from Grenada to Newfoundland with D., Jen, and Dave. I think I got onboard in Bermuda on this trip.

So, that's it, as far as how much sailing played a big part in my life, from childhood until he died. In the next post, I will write about what Dave and sailing taught me about life.

I am.. a KCOner

Sometime in the past, I think it was when Sara and Matthias went to see Coldplay (or Robby Williams?) concert with Beate and Matthias, Julien asked whether I would ever consider going to seeing a concert with Sara and him. I answered with a very non-committal "maybe". My heart wanted to say yes, but my brain said no because of the crowds. On some level, going to a concert was like walking into the lion's den with my fear of crowds. Something that I have nicely avoided at every turn.

So, it is with some surprise that I found my way down to Frankfurt to attend the first KCON festival this last weekend. Not only was it fun, I am excited to try it again. Crowds who meet with excitement to hear their favourite artist perform are not scary at all.

I am... a career coach

Sometimes, a mentor's role can also be the same as a career coach. Sometimes, of course, it is not. The way I see it, if the mentee or coachee comes and leaves within a few months after starting a new job, that's career coaching.

It is especially exciting to work with someone searching for a new career path; finding a new job that aligns with their internal motivations and value system. A career coach helps them overcome their fear of change or pushes them out of the black hole they are stuck in. 

After being a career coach of countless people, my best strategy is to tell and show the coachee they are not alone. Any significant career change is best done together with someone who is not directly affected by your choices but, nevertheless, with someone who can emotionally support you. 

I am... a collector of stories

Some people can remember names or faces. I can do neither. I even switch people's names of those I hold dear (sorry, Daniel... err... Julien). There is no excuse or explanation to brush this inadequacy aside. Still, there is one thing that I'm good at and this is collecting and remembering stories.

I'm sitting at a community table in a lovely café. The two women sitting next to me seem to have only met by chance. Even though they don't know each other well, they enter into an intensely deep conversation after the first 15 minutes.

There is very little chance I will see either woman again, but if I do, I will definitely remember how the one fell in love with her partner (she just met his parents!") and how the other had a terrible father and has always been disappointed by her lovers, so is only focusing on being a good mother. By the end of the conversation the two women get up and hug before going their separate ways. An afternoon well spent.

Of course, most of the stories I collect are not found by listening into private conversations (I swear they were talking loud enough it was impossible not to overhear). I particularly like stories told by relative strangers (e.g. taxi drivers, storekeepers, or museum security guards) or those strangers who become briefly instant friends because of certain circumstances (e.g. long-haul airplane trip or in a crowded doctor's waiting room.) But, like drinking instant coffee, such encounters can leave a bitter after taste once you say goodbye. You have to make sure to wrap up such conversations with consideration and thankfulness. If not, it can be really awkward. 

Then there are the stories told over and over again when friends and family meet. You have to be careful of not repeating them too often. Especially, as one gets older, this is such an embarrassing thing to do. You might catch some people in the room roll their eyes. How mortifying.

It's those stories told in secret that sometimes tear my heart apart. I have yet to find a method to remove the burden of these stories from my soul. I'd love to be able to set them free.

Stories, whether gifts of reminiscing or burden of confessions, are always precious. I try and hold on to the dearly.

#booksIlove: The Classic Fairy Tales

Title: The Classic Fairy Tales, but Iona and Peter Opie
When I read it first: Christmas of 1974

In my teens and early 20s, I became quite obsessed with fairy tales and folk stories. Pat gave me this book for Christmas, and I remember gulping it down so quickly I could barely come up for breaths.